STILL...

i need not have to wait til monday. its this saturday. the results will be out. im scared. cried the entire of last nite. still traumatised. still lost. still crying each time i tot of it.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhan Ku. Lindungilah dia. Ku mohon kepadamu. Ampunilah dosa-dosa ya. Berikan lah dia kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua ini. Kuatkan lah imanku untuk menempuhi semua ini. Amin.

Strength

Ya Allah. Please give me the strength to overcome this. I will need the strength to hear the truth, the ability to see him before and after the whole procedure, to look into her eyes waiting with me while its all done, to continue my fast despite the tears, to overcome all this. Amin.

7 years ago, I experienced this while I was alone at home. I cried. There was no exception for what happen just now. Despite Im 7 years wiser now; Im still not strong enough to face the reality and anything that will happen unexpectedly. I couldnt think. I could only cry. I will have now until Monday to build up my courage and strength to overcome this whole situation.
But for now, please allow me to cry.

VIRUS

if within a week or two from today i get it, im fully prepared. sadden me though.

but its a risk and sacrifice I have to do.

Gonna miss him loads though and breaking fast with his family.

*sob sob*

Ramadhan

month of ramadhan. the feeling of it is simply wonderful. this is the month wer family often gather together for iftar. not exceptional for my family especiali. as today remarks the 1st day of the month. my family is gathering ourselves over at my 3rd bro's crib to break fast together and celebrate my lil nephew's bday. and ofcoz watchin SG Idol together too. well. im not a fanatic however watching them perform on tv itself kinda interest me.

thanks to my lovely Ruxta. got me hookup with Blindfold Me by Kelis. o he so loving her, Mya and the late Aaliyah. making me feel all ugly and fugly each time i see their sexy pics stored in his Dopod. Dear DJ ordered few vinyls yesday including this particular one. and soon Im gonna have this track or shuld i say im gonna get the album soon.. Yeahness. Like i mentioned to him yesday.. only Jay Z can rap in B-yonce tracks and only NAS can do the same for Kelis. Celebrity in love. well i think they are match for each other.. NICE! Enjoy the vid.

and Happy Fasting to all Muslims.

Heart

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything! You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

self declared SILLY

tell me y i shuldnt love him. he often captured my silliest expression. there are plenty embarassing pics in his dopod. god noes wat he does during his spare time. one thing i know for sure is that he'll be staring at some of the pics and start laughing. am i dat selenge?

aniway. take a look at tis. silly or not? one happy goober having his ice-cream last sat in swensen.

Say Goodbye

ever since i got my hands on the Chris Brown cd, track 13 has always bn my personal favourite. Just by listening to it, I can somehow relate to my life before. Once we used to go our separate ways more than twice. Bn through whole lot of shits before this. Boys, Girls, pure jealously, bestfrens and more..

eventually we turned back and return to each others arms.

we walked away from each other more than once. You were serving the nation in brunei. That was one of the moment. den again when u were away in Taiwan. One when i was away in Finland. one when we were here together but took off, we were somehow seeing someone else. but that didnt work out. for me at least. yet now, im still jealous over Her and another Her. call me nuts but sometimes i just love to tease u. but sometimes im not...

Maybe jealousy over the things that i think they have the plus points i dont. handling me was neva an easy task for you. from wat i see and learnt this 7 years together.

but with no complaint, you are here sticking by me STILL loving me each day despite all odds.

I love u Hubby. I really do. Im so sori for wat I said last 2 days. Please forgive me.

18th Sept 06

Listening to the soothing sound from the gamelan, seruling, gendang and rebana gave me the peace of mind everytime. It suits my mood each time I hear them. Mad, furious, happy or joy, it fits them all. I will then imagine dancing gracefully to the sounds.. I used to though. Back in the skul days. The happiest time ever when I get to dance and practice with friends. All bad things come to an end when we start dancing and so into it, we were on trance and smiles on our faces.

How I wish there is some place where I can pour out the inner me by just dancing. Im not that good with the grinding and popping.. but to be able to dance gracefully is something I wish I can showcase to. Stealing moment in my room, dancing to the sounds of javenese tunes put a million wider smile to my face.

I miss those times.. I really do.

Now that im feeling a lil down with you, how I wish I can dance and express my expression. I would really wanna do dat.. but there is no way I can do it on my own.
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Happy 22nd Birthday to my lovely gf.. Qistina.. Lurve yu gerl. Muacks.

7th years anniversary

Do you remember the time
When I first met you it was love at first sight
Like a shooting star above
Boy I made a wish hoping we would fall inlove
And here we are today
As we celebrate another year together
I love you more than yesterday and as the time goes by baby I just wanna say that

I appreciate

Everything you do for me
And every time that you are there for me
The fact that you believe in me
Boy I appreciate you loving me
Those moments when my strength was gone
I couldn't quit cause you kept holding on

Today's our anniversary and I appreciate you loving me

To know that you're here by my side
You're so beautiful I cherish you forever
Nothing else would change my mind
Boy I'm stuck on you
Gonna spend my life with you
Even when the days are dark and cold, you always there for me, always
by my side, keeping me warm

Alone I'll never be again,cause in you I know I got a friend and I appreciate

------------------------------------

Happy 7th year anniversary Ruxta, my one and only hubby.

7 years in the making and 2-3 yrs to go for our big day. I want you to know that I'll always be thankful with you by my side everyday I am so grateful to have YOU. Time spent by the beach yesterday was fun. Tonite's dinner will be beautiful. May the Almighty Allah bring us together one day. lets pray that my mom's prayers everyday be granted to see us together. Thank you for loving me and my family. especially my mom. and trust me she loves u too huney.

I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
The thought of all my love for you
Sometimes makes me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful

To have you by my side

I heart you loads hubby.. Muacks! Hugs..

weight issues

its nt even 8am and i decided to post out alil sumthing-sumthing. its jus da 3rd day of the week and im already feeling all shagged and lethargic. ankle and knee still killing me despite the deepheat i applied every morning and night. shesshh.. due to this i turned down Ruxta plan for a jog last sunday.

wow! tina lost 3kg. happy for her. while me still having this weight issues. sigh.. self esteem level going down. pursuing the need to loose some weight. weighing myself on the scale. still showing me the same digit however im feel heavier. much heavier.

due to desperation. i purchase alil sumthing. not reali sure if it will work out well. anihoos. no harm trying it out. i'll be monitoring myself and gosh. i gotta watch my meals. and so there will be less of the second serving nurul. lately my appetite has been BIG. super huge dat I can eat almost any leftover. and now complaining of weight issue.

fickle minded. just a complain freak...

arrrgghh..pening.

T.A.N.N.E.D

skin got alil tanner now. liking it. but wanna it to be alil more tanner. and sunday will be da day. 10th of sept. celebrating 7th year anniversay a day in advance.

Gonna chill out with Ruxta and hope to get my skin tanner. =p

time spent with Ruxta has been blissful. Loving him loving the moments.

lurve u deep deep Hun.

I need to meet up with matilda for some bitching. hope da day will be tomorrow.

tonite i shall confirm with you MARIA MARIA.

Next Yantee.. den Nana.. all these to be done before Ramadhan.

This weekend. spending the time at da resort with Zulie, Kat and Nora.

we'll do some bitching, swimming, xbox gaming, movie marathon and more...

PLUS

yet another Drama Mama scene happening this friday.

and me.?? gonna be the 'judge'. time awaits.

Oh I Think Dey Like Me

bn offline from blogging. too uptight with schedules and more. and finally today i bloodyhell need a break. today's my company family day over at Siloso Beach. so pls avoid dat place ppl.. trust me u wuldnt wanna be there. gonna be packed like sardine!!.....

Anihoos. many issues to update. drama happening here and there. one drama i was kinda involve. but fark it bitch. mutherfarking milf. nuff said...

While enjoy this vid. Hubby got me addicted to the u noe the moves.. next in clubs(i think).. clubbers will be dancing like dat... hahhaa.. wanna bet.. i've seen it and i saw it last sat at Liquidroom. Gosh wat a sight to the certain moves...

to this one hot chinese gerl.. u rock my socks. damn...