i said all the wrong things

i often react before i think. i react fast enuff to just say out nonsensical things that will make people feel upset/miserable and more.

i get all over the top if i don get wad i wanted. wad i planned. its always been that way since i was alil girl. a pampered spoilt brat. and now as i am 1/4 century, im still the spoilt brat i knew i was. often i denied being one. the fact is im still the same. or matter of fact. worst.

now i know y my frens come and go. so far i noe only super close ones noe i have a attitude problem. for those who have known me for more den 20 yrs. will say that they are so used to it. mainly my family members and my cusins.

but my endless pain in da ass attitude often hurt my super love one. da person i wanna share my life wid. i may not express my love well to you my dear. bt honestly u are my king. the only king in my life. i suck at expressing coz its always bout me. tho i would always say i think of others before me. bt lil i know. it has always been bout me. nutin but me.

im sori dear. i misundestood your actions and did assumptions to them. which lead to a bigger argument bout alil thing. i made it huge and matter got worst. im really sori and i noe im said sori for too many million times all these yrs and still boiled down to the same shit everytime.

please forgive me. i didnt spare a single tot bout you. i made my expectations too high this yr i guess. i shuldnt have done that witout thinkin bout u...

i love u. i really do. eventhough to u its all bullshit. this is how i feel for u.

i love u and only u and wanna be with u.

sorry dear..

from your spoilt brat..

just pure love

he loves me unconditionally. pampered me like crazee all the time. endures my crappiness. adores my silly-ness.

tho i was upset. i admit. i wanted that real bad. bt no worries my love.its not that impt.

i still can do without it. your love for me is priceless. i wont trade anythin else for that.

you will soon be my lawful husband next yr. we have been thro all this crap shit for almost 8 yrs plus. coming 9 yrs this yr. for some stupid gadget wont make things wrong. its simply not me.

i love u. i really do.

im feeling all love rite now. coz i think that material is not worth much as i am gettin myself something on my own. that will just do.

but dear..

it wont hurt rite if i wanna Black Rebel mini skirt/Casio watch/Medium cut boots.???

Hahahhaa... ok im whack!!

This is wad happens when u noe cash is flowing in soon real soon. 5 more days to go. and all that window shopping last saturday with u had gave me wild ideas.

then again. ur beloved baby is getting you the music producing gadget.

For the name of love. for the name of love for MUSIC. :)

ps: Tina, i finally get to wear da dress u bought me. and Zulie, thanks for da shades. i love shades!!

I had fun today. went to sentosa. early in da morning. cam whoring. subway cookies munching and ruffles munching and chilled mineral water to soothe my throat. and wid him by my side. priceless.

thank god we went early wen ders sun, and pure heat. nice clouds. as soon as we were done, rain poured down and by den we were already walking to the beach station. lucky i have my umbrella wid me. :)

went to ann siang rd. went to asylum and i was smiling in my heart. coz i noe he is bringin me to see the camera i wanted. bt only army holga is available. it seems hubby wanna get me wad i wanted for my 25th bday. need to purchase it online. therefore i don mind waiting. belated gift. i so don mind. coz i wanna it. and to top it all. i finally noe wad i wanna for my bday. nt like da normal bdays wer i just go for tops and all. gosh. lomo! i wanna have u in my hands. come to mami soon aite.

went to have macds and went back to his place and doze off til 2130 and its time for me to come home.

i had fun and tmr will be another affair wid him chilling at hm watch dvd. :) i so sayang u hubby!!

we're already planning on the house hunting and me, roughly know who i wanna take as my mak andam. need to get more details bout it. soon soon soon..

oh i so love him.. hehehehe... love love..

3rd Jan 08

it was a sad news for me. But ALLAH swt is great. beyond wad happened, there will be a blessing. I hope she is fine, mentally and physically.

I cried as i think back again. There was once i mentioned. enuff for now as the number are growing. All i wanted was for my lil ones in near future. I didnt noe things will happen eventually. Kurniaan Allah swt. Who can eva stop that. But wen things were meant to be, it just didnt turn out right. and as i heard da news. i cried. thinking was it my fault??


4th Jan 08


Happy birthday to me. Im a quarter century now. wow! how time really flies. tho most are nt ready to hit this number. im glad i welcome it calmly. with open mind, i wished myself Happy birthday as I wake up in the late morning. gosh. it feels gd to be on leave frm work especially on your bday. *smiles*

its amazing how i decided to celebrate it wid my parents. with my 3rd bro and his pham over at his crib. i bought my own bday cake, put the candles, listen to my parents, sis in law, 2 nieces and nephew, maid and my fiance singing for me. bro was late as he went out to buy satay for us. seeing the joy of that 3 kids brings me nuting but true happiness. they watched me blow out the candles, cut the cake and they waited anxiously to receive the choco cake. my pri 1 nephew even did a party hat out of a exercise book paper, coloured it and put it on my head. so sweet of him.

the normal laughters as soon as bro came hm from wk. we sat and had dinner. and soon it was time for me to leave. 10pm exactly. we left the plc. holding his hands, having him by my side is all i wanted. and i love him for being him.

thanks dear for willing to share my special day wid my family.

while tmr will be a separate affair. its beach time baby! woohoo!!!

few more hours to go.

and i've already received early wishes...

2 presents from my dearest bestie gf.. zulie. thanks babe. appreciate it so much.

and i will be on leave tmr and saturday..

shall just rest, sleep late and wake up late tmr.. :)

im nt askin for much. a dinner at macdonalds will do just fine for me. afterall i am a simple woman. yea. woman is the word now.

*huge smiles*

and i hope my trip down to sentosa this sat works out. *pray hard*

Womanly feeling. *gosh*

few more hours to go.

and i've already received early wishes...

2 presents from my dearest bestie gf.. zulie. thanks babe. appreciate it so much.

and i will be on leave tmr and saturday..

shall just rest, sleep late and wake up late tmr.. :)

im nt askin for much. a dinner at macdonalds will do just fine for me. afterall i am a simple woman. yea. woman is the word now.

*huge smiles*

and i hope my trip down to sentosa this sat works out. *pray hard*

Happy New Year to All.

I had a laughin as off New Year wid XS boys ofcoz and with him by my side it just makes it even better.

and we can now officially say if eva anyone ask "so biler korang nk kahwin?"..

and we will answer them "Next year!!" oh yes yes! one more yr to go.

ok im out now. got home at 4plus. and i need to meet him over at his place.

toodles ppl. and btw, 4th Jan is in 3 days time.

wahahahah!!

Laughin New Year

Happy New Year to All.

I had a laughin as off New Year wid XS boys ofcoz and with him by my side it just makes it even better.

and we can now officially say if eva anyone ask "so biler korang nk kahwin?"..

and we will answer them "Next year!!" oh yes yes! one more yr to go.

ok im out now. got home at 4plus. and i need to meet him over at his place.

toodles ppl. and btw, 4th Jan is in 3 days time.

wahahahah!!