suppose to go up to B272 Maersk JackUp today. bt sadly gf is sick and resting at home. :( nvm then, rest well gf. there will always be another christening ceremony for other projects. =p

and finally weekend is here. woohoo.

aside from the weekend glory, i'm much missing his hugs and kisses.

i wanna be in his arms once again.

i really really do want him. i love him!!

and hubby lets watch Transformers shall we?

OPTIMUS PRIME

i blew it. ruined it. made matter worst. i tot i culd hold on to the frustration.

i tot i culd handle da matter. but NO! i did it once again.

i hate my fucking paranoid behaviour.

have i lost it. lost my mind. somehow ive care less. been busy wid work. too exhausted to even bother bout things around me. last week been shitty enuff for me. endless tears at nite causing more pain the next morning. body so weak. heart is slowly breaking into smaller pieces.

a fren mentioned dat the time of the month is coming. well. i tot so too. bt even before this. everything wasnt right. work were plenty. and now all i could tink of is a day break from the office. bt wad can i do. i gotta be around. ALL the time. if i reali go on a day break, i will definately switch off my celly. i just wanna be alone and clear my mind and relax.

updated on 25/06/07
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still feelin shitty. ppl have bn tellin me that i sounded cranky (rite yoie). its amazing how some ppl can notice my difference virtually without even looking at my face and state of condition.while for some who saw it, thinks dat i am overly stress, tired and gonna get sick soon. behaviour switch back and forth just like a tape if i were to press the forward and rewind button. confuse, angry, lost, lonely, im feeling it all and head is spinning bad as im typing this last word.

perhaps the lack of attention given lately causing loads of pain to myself. afta dat nite, i cried the worst compared to the many nites. i felt beta the next day bt the feeling turned sour once again.i hardly smile and if i do, it just means dat im trying to cheer myself up and to fuck those sadness off. still i swallow. and lost in total sadness again.

attention i seek to those who spend most of the time wid me. he's been busy lately and now he's nt feeling well. she is busy preparing for her big day. parents are neva by my side. soon i shall seek my mom's hug and kisses. close friends are busy themselves. working 2 jobs, having their own life. one busy with working and floorball training. cusins how i wish i can just grab hold of each of u and just sit down and i'll let u guys make fun of me all the time. i need those laughters, those smiles and joyness from others. happiness in others gives happiness to myself...

has it always been about others? and not me...? has it always bn bout caring and concern others and not me? isnt life is about me? isnt it my life dat makes me? but why do i need ppl to make me..? make me smile? make me feel happy? make me feel dat im needed by dem.....?

but once i feel neglected and not needed, i start to act strangely and weird and different... the image of 'perempuan giler' given by my family members had emerged AGAIN these few days; weeks.

probably i need love. some love and care and concern. from the right people. bt maybe they have their own stuffs to do. own set on friends, companions, fans, life.

i shall seek for lonely time. i shall seek for a break from work to just relax my mind, all alone by the beach. accompanied by the sand, sea, sun, shades, lotion, mp3 and TEARS...

Finally its a Friday BABY!!

Daddy Yankee Ft Fergie - Impacto(Remix)

You got a problem? Come and say it to my face!
You got a problem? Come and say it in my face!

at times conversation are complicated. it got misunderstood. and argument occur. i noe u meant well. and i apologise i was over the top. thanks gf for all the advice. im truly sori once again. 1month to go and its gonna be ur big day. so cant wait.

mak stayed overnite at wdlands crib last nite and will be around for da wkend. today is my dearest 2nd bro's bday. oh happy 39th/40th bday big brother. i so cant remember my 1st 2 bros' bday. bt next mnth i shall attack my last bro of mine coz he will turn 34. we are 10 yrs apart dat explains y i can remember his age. however i will neva fail to remind him of his nt so young age every yr.haha. oh aniway..

and i tot my mom wuld be please to see my hair. bt wen i told her last nite dat many ppl hate it, she said strongly dat she agrees with the masses. gosh. i cracked up. i reali did. she just said she prefer me with perang hair. i used to perm my hair and wen i straighten it back, she and bapak hates it. now she prefers me to be golden-blonde headed. i shall wait for my bapak's reaction this afternoon. oh i so cant wait.

oh ya. meaning i can do damage to this hair. oh i so love my mak!!

to those who still favor SB LT. news earlier said dey will be long gone this coming 25th June. bt i got news that dey are still staying. just signed da lease last sunday.. dey will be around for another 3 more years.

YEAHNESS!!

but still, embience are different.. old partners wer u at!! lets meet up and talk crap..

though da tyme was short. i enjoyed everybit of it. da moment i saw him at YCK station standing, leaning on one of da wall, i turned all smily. :)

we had a simple dinner at Fig & Olive. though it was simple, we enjoyed it. hubby tot the pasta serving was alil too little for him. being a growing man, he eats ALOT. He had his Cream Chicken Mushroom Pasta and i got myself the Picante beef Kebab. both were recommended by his baby sis. we like it sis. thanks for the recommendation.

afta dinner, we walked to Bencoolen and Hubby bought himself an ol'skul Casio Silver watch and bought for me an ol'skul Casio gold ladies watch. :) Thanks dear. I lurve it. I reali do.. and thank u so much for buying me the Everlast shoe and i'm sori i didnt get u anitin... :( honestly i feel so bad..

we took the train home and as usual i would usually dozed off leaning on his shoulder. we walked home and kiss each other gdnite...

and i slept wit a huge smile.. lurve u hubby!!

he's enjoying his pasta

my picante beef kebab

me @ home

Happy 1 year Engagement Anniversary Hubby.

Past few days had been shitty between us. i admit i acted lyke a total bitch. on the other side, u did upset me dat saturday nite though. :(

All dat aside. well today is a starting of a brand new week. 11th June 06 we got engaged. and today 11th June 07, we will be having a simple celebration together.

I love you so much. I really do. Muacks!!

Hate That I Love You

As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I cant stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

You wont let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset)
can't remember what you did

But I hate...
You know exactly what to do
so that I cant stay mad at you
for too long thats wrong

But I hate...
You know exactly how to touch
so that I dont want to fuss.. and fight no more
said I despise that i adore you


And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...)
I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...)
and I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..)
but I just cant let you go
and I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

------
I LOVE U SO MUCH! Lets have a good cosy dinner tonite. Muacks!!
2 more yrs to go til our big day. Insya'allah.

PS: Thanx to my future baby sis in law, sila for making the reservation seats for us. muah!

I dyed my hair to basic dark brown colour. comments have been bad lately. still i don give a fark. ive been whining for the past 6 months to get this done. and when finally i did it, ppl commented they prefer my bleached blonde hair. ok lets say. for now i shall satisfy my parents 1st. they hated me wid dat hair color. shall make them smile for awhile before i decide to do some major striking highlites in few mnths time.

Hint: Joss Stone/Kelly Osbourne

for now. my hair looks more like this. i think. haha.

juz alil update. to those who love to hang out at Starbucks Liat Towers. would like to say on 25th June 07, there will be no more SB LT. it will be closed. so u beta look for another best coffee chillout place aite.

im so gonna miss this place.i was a part time barista there for 1yr plus. with all the best kakis eva. the SB 'cheerleaders', the irritating fun boys, the gerek shift managers. it was like a kampung melayu back den.

it was my best time eva. most memorable time eva.

its been 4days plus ive nt seen ruxta. due to his incamp reservist. despite the camp is only few kilometers apart frm my yard. still it seems so far. but today. he'll be out. at last. waitin for his call. to either meet him straight at home or fetch him by cab lata. coz he is so sure dat he don wanna take the 257 long bus journey from tuas to boonlay. =p

wadeva it is. i cant wait to hug and kiss him. i miss him so much. ok if u find this too yucky. well i don care. gue kangen sama dia.

happy friday ppl. plus i gotta work again tmr. darn!

below is the trailer by XS. whoever coming down on 23rd to give support to Freaky Z or any of the XS members. like Tina. yes Tina all the way frm Doha. she will be in SG and so i cant wait to see u this 23rd. see u there huney!! i will be der for XS/Public Eyez and of coz my DJ Ruxta.

was nt my day yestday. office phn kept ringing. i got so irritated. despite it is the red light period. however pls excuse me coz it was already the 3rd day. thank god. saturday wasnt dat bad. still in the office. decided to blog. this is a random entry. make no sense at all. its gonna be 14:00. and im outta here soon. toodles. have a great weekend.

meanwhile. showstars site is under construction.

peace out.