have i lost it. lost my mind. somehow ive care less. been busy wid work. too exhausted to even bother bout things around me. last week been shitty enuff for me. endless tears at nite causing more pain the next morning. body so weak. heart is slowly breaking into smaller pieces.
a fren mentioned dat the time of the month is coming. well. i tot so too. bt even before this. everything wasnt right. work were plenty. and now all i could tink of is a day break from the office. bt wad can i do. i gotta be around. ALL the time. if i reali go on a day break, i will definately switch off my celly. i just wanna be alone and clear my mind and relax.
updated on 25/06/07
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still feelin shitty. ppl have bn tellin me that i sounded cranky (rite yoie). its amazing how some ppl can notice my difference virtually without even looking at my face and state of condition.while for some who saw it, thinks dat i am overly stress, tired and gonna get sick soon. behaviour switch back and forth just like a tape if i were to press the forward and rewind button. confuse, angry, lost, lonely, im feeling it all and head is spinning bad as im typing this last word.
perhaps the lack of attention given lately causing loads of pain to myself. afta dat nite, i cried the worst compared to the many nites. i felt beta the next day bt the feeling turned sour once again.i hardly smile and if i do, it just means dat im trying to cheer myself up and to fuck those sadness off. still i swallow. and lost in total sadness again.
attention i seek to those who spend most of the time wid me. he's been busy lately and now he's nt feeling well. she is busy preparing for her big day. parents are neva by my side. soon i shall seek my mom's hug and kisses. close friends are busy themselves. working 2 jobs, having their own life. one busy with working and floorball training. cusins how i wish i can just grab hold of each of u and just sit down and i'll let u guys make fun of me all the time. i need those laughters, those smiles and joyness from others. happiness in others gives happiness to myself...
has it always been about others? and not me...? has it always bn bout caring and concern others and not me? isnt life is about me? isnt it my life dat makes me? but why do i need ppl to make me..? make me smile? make me feel happy? make me feel dat im needed by dem.....?
but once i feel neglected and not needed, i start to act strangely and weird and different... the image of 'perempuan giler' given by my family members had emerged AGAIN these few days; weeks.
probably i need love. some love and care and concern. from the right people. bt maybe they have their own stuffs to do. own set on friends, companions, fans, life.
i shall seek for lonely time. i shall seek for a break from work to just relax my mind, all alone by the beach. accompanied by the sand, sea, sun, shades, lotion, mp3 and TEARS...
a fren mentioned dat the time of the month is coming. well. i tot so too. bt even before this. everything wasnt right. work were plenty. and now all i could tink of is a day break from the office. bt wad can i do. i gotta be around. ALL the time. if i reali go on a day break, i will definately switch off my celly. i just wanna be alone and clear my mind and relax.
updated on 25/06/07
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still feelin shitty. ppl have bn tellin me that i sounded cranky (rite yoie). its amazing how some ppl can notice my difference virtually without even looking at my face and state of condition.while for some who saw it, thinks dat i am overly stress, tired and gonna get sick soon. behaviour switch back and forth just like a tape if i were to press the forward and rewind button. confuse, angry, lost, lonely, im feeling it all and head is spinning bad as im typing this last word.
perhaps the lack of attention given lately causing loads of pain to myself. afta dat nite, i cried the worst compared to the many nites. i felt beta the next day bt the feeling turned sour once again.i hardly smile and if i do, it just means dat im trying to cheer myself up and to fuck those sadness off. still i swallow. and lost in total sadness again.
attention i seek to those who spend most of the time wid me. he's been busy lately and now he's nt feeling well. she is busy preparing for her big day. parents are neva by my side. soon i shall seek my mom's hug and kisses. close friends are busy themselves. working 2 jobs, having their own life. one busy with working and floorball training. cusins how i wish i can just grab hold of each of u and just sit down and i'll let u guys make fun of me all the time. i need those laughters, those smiles and joyness from others. happiness in others gives happiness to myself...
has it always been about others? and not me...? has it always bn bout caring and concern others and not me? isnt life is about me? isnt it my life dat makes me? but why do i need ppl to make me..? make me smile? make me feel happy? make me feel dat im needed by dem.....?
but once i feel neglected and not needed, i start to act strangely and weird and different... the image of 'perempuan giler' given by my family members had emerged AGAIN these few days; weeks.
probably i need love. some love and care and concern. from the right people. bt maybe they have their own stuffs to do. own set on friends, companions, fans, life.
i shall seek for lonely time. i shall seek for a break from work to just relax my mind, all alone by the beach. accompanied by the sand, sea, sun, shades, lotion, mp3 and TEARS...
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