ok and so he's really sure that i am fine. just fine. altho hey u gotta admit sometimes u adore a "wow-wow-wee" body curvy woman. rite?.. wahaha.

curve always remind me bout dear tina. how fickle she culd be wen she said she wanna lose weight after seeing me lost mine. but thankfully she watched beyonce music video and love her curve and wanna keep hers. dats a total relieve. i love tina the way she is. slim or curvy. doesnt matter. wad matters. she still has that long legs i so love in a girl. ok it kinda sound weird. bt long sexy legs does means alot to me. at least to me ok. to u. i donno.

then came the jealous portion i was mentioning in my earlier entry. hey its all bout da boobs and bumbs. jealous coz i don have them. i mean not totally. bt i don have MUCH of them to flaunt. god damn u are so rite. pantat ku tepos ok. and those hand-palm grabbing boobs to die for. i so want them. ok boobs i gotta salute RINN for having nice nice boobs. not dat ive nt seen them before. oopps. haha. yes. i have seen them. grab them too. its a nice feeling to be honest.

ok i may sound kinda weird in this entry. but honestly i envy them girls for having those nice ones. bt if they are tall, that's a plus point. cute sweet sexy face. a plus point. definately. YEA!

but that doesnt mean i don like mine. i love mine. i gotta love mine aniway. else I will feel awful every single day. as long as I'm healthy, I'm fine rite. just a simple next door girl. who kinda look sweet and demure. wahahhah. ok. gotta say dat. complimenting urself does boost up ur confidence, self-esteem and EGO.

so ppl. love ur body. love urself. but that doesnt mean u cant envy others for having nice assets.

ok i gotta admit. i am fucking jealous. how am i suppose to accept all these. crap!

and so i was over reacting bout da whole agenda. well tell me something new bout dat.i am always over reacting. i was even reminded to stop hearing the voices in my head. thats for a gd cause ofcoz. somehow each time an argument was brought up. another matter will be brought up too. interlinking matters will be colliding and joint becoming one whole big matter. but there is always a catch to every argument. that we will be lovey dovey once again. you can neva underestimate the power of love.

exchanging smses in between meetings does make me things much much clearer. that talk on the phn does help this pee brain of mine. contracting every minute due to the headache and not forgetting my stuffy nose.

sadly why do I always have to upset him. why is it often me making the mistakes all over again. not realising that I've done it before and repeatingly doing it. getting scolded again. brought up the matter again. argue again. well all goes in a repeat process. but..

he still loves me the same and that's why I adore everybit of him.

as I'm finishing this line, we are ok. fine. no more argument. this and that. I guess I gotta be seriously thinking straight. and not to over react. but hmm.. will that eva change in me? being petty and oversensitive. i donno. i am trying hard though. but thank you for giving me the chance to..

from wad i see now. they are one person. they are the same person. therefore I see them as ONE. The person I love. but I know you long enuff compared to I know him. Still you often remind me without me there is no him.

to be honest dear, without your full determination, there will be no HIM.

Hasrin Hasmoon and DJ Ruxta. I love you both. so much.

happy to noe that i have 4 more days left of my leave. yessa!
mite be taking 1 day off da day afta hari raya haji. and da rest i culd make use of it end of da year or most probably next yr. jan 4th and 5th. i guess. damn im turning 25 real fast.

oh yea. suddenly having the tot to stay low profile kinda works afta all. afta being told da truth. words does hurt. stabbed me hard. with da headache i had since yesterday, thanks to the remarks i got, it just worsen the ache. i culd somehow feel my blood gushin up to my pee brain. fuck. but i did gd somehow. i wasnt being harsh nor rude. just kept quiet til i reach my door step. best remedy is to be silent? well it does work for me.

for wad i know now. i don exist. from the very 1st place and i believe i will neva be. therefore. no point making my existence known. to me they are the same person. bt da fact is, i failed to see that they are completely different. how stupid can i be, not to see the real thing. well i guess.i got them mix up. a person with a split personality. i should hav known better that i fall for the other one. not him.

its pretty much clearer now that i am da stupid fool. starting frm today. i noe who i am. and where i should be and should do/dont do. period!

i slept over da matter and waking up still feelin hurt. i dreamt of being very angry and my head is still in pain. well partly becoz im not feelin well. :(

well wadeva it is. i wuld like to thank him for making me feel existed in some ways. i shall continue being in love wid him and not u. coz im beginning not to know u animore. though my eyes see one, but the truth is. there are two.

---

catwalk is as tough as marching. i swear. but with heels ofcoz. it was my 2nd class yesterday and im somehow satisfied wid my walk but just my walk. i need to practice more. especially the pose and turn part. gotta think of tyra banks. only that this is more to bridal wear tho.

next 2 weeks will be another class on photography and more pose. cant wait. to tink of it. am i dat girly to begin wid? i hate comparing myself wid others. somehow it does makes me feel insecure of myself. but i gotta admit. i do wish i was tall like her, have her eyes, her boobs, butts, hair, etc.. especially sitting alone in da train, does make my eyes to wander each time i saw a hot chick. once again, another confession. i love to ogle on girls. call me a lesbo or bi. one ting for sure, i noe im nt. :D

i lost some weight. but wen i looked myself in the mirror, having bones showing off. i began to get a lil paranoid. as why am i still looking the same afta eating my dinner after 10pm last nite. den next 2 mornings, wen i woke up. same thing. saw myself and saw fats around the waist area. left handers coming out and stuffs like dat. den i turned PARANOID. u see. i cant make up my mind. wad do i really want. wad makes me happy. its all gd to be 55kg. i used to be 58kg. bt now? gosh. i have yet to make my way to stand on dat machine.


i need to lose in order to look gd. in order to work. to have assignments. bt looks and figure don usually work our way up. personality does counts too. i still have loads to learn. from the experience ones.


for now. im just loving it. looking at her. her cute face. her height. her hair. her legs. her height. she is my catwalk teacher. hot aint she.

oh did i mentioned. she pelat "R". so cute. so cute the way she called out my name.

Opening minds and ears about poverty
through music & poetry.
Come on down and support!!

26/11/07

It was a tiring weekend. but i enjoyed myself. I had fun. I helped. hehe. I was not the lazy ikin i used to be. I vacuumned da living room, carried the sofa and more. (rajin la konon)..

But it was all worth it. Congratulations to my cusin Lediana.Finally she's married to Rahmat. The most irritatin couple who find it amusing to irritate the hell outta me. but its all gd. *smiles*

Their wedding affair was somewad I would describe as 90% melayu.traditionally. and I love it. From the Sri Mahligai Pemain Musik to the singers, to the dancers and da highlight of all event. The trishaw. Yup!

Nice Nice one. Many of us took pic with it.

Overall. All of us, put in all the effort to make their day more meaningful.. FunFun. 2 down. next yr. 2 more cusins. and 2009. 2 more cusins. Wow. Wow. Seriously aku dah stress!!!

To view more, click here

Once again, congratulation to my dear cusin.

65 hope presents:

-----

and tmr we're celebrating my cusin's wedding.

therefore me and ruxta wont be able to be der for the floetry event.

tmr's theme will be Warisan Melayu. i guess its da best time to put on my baju kurung songket tmr. tonite will be a busy fun nite. cant wait for dem to make fun of me. or best still. i wanna tease the bride to be tonite.

how bout asking her wad she intend to do on her 1st nite.
wee....

Happy 27th Birthday to my 3rd sista in law. Nurirdawatie.
Stay Hot.

------

We often quarrel. She will bite, pinch or shout at me. She loves to put on my heels and slippers. She loves to lie on my mattress, pillows and cover herself with my blanket.

and she just turned 2 years old on monday. and o ya. she loves to take pictures.

Happy 2nd Birthday to my youngest niece. Erni Haryani.

Based from my past entry. Syukur Alhamdulillah it was not cancerous. Amin.

&

Innalillah Wa inna lillahi rojiun.

Ruxta's uncle, Wak Kassim passed away this morning.
May Allah bless his soul. Amin.

im honoured to have you as my fren... from a fren to me.


Thank you my fren. Whatever the result is, lets hope and pray its not wad u think it is.

feeling tired. fedup. stress. pissed off.

lesson learnt. dont 'selit daun' info/details bou someting i don wanna noe afta da whole serious working conversation.

finally ive uploaded some pictures to my multipy. to those who wanna view some pics. u may go this site narayumi.multiply


head still in pain. since yesterday. i hit my head on ruxta's pintu besi. sakit ok. but i have no one to blame but myself. tanks alot nurul for being urself. the usual slenge one. bah.


have u eva seen with ur own eyes. twice. this yr. to see someone being hit by a fast moving bus. and u were onboard on da bus. trust me. da 1st time. early this yr. da bus i was in. hit a mini lorry. hey blame the lorry driver. for not signalin. furthermore he was nt suppose to make his U turn. gosh. the lorry spun. to da other side to the road. glass shattered. but gladly no one was hurt.

another thing happened tis morning. this time. not a lorry. its a person. a bangladeshi worker. it was running heavily. he stood in between 2 lorries. obviously no one culd see him. bus drove fast. den suddenly. he dashed thro. it happened too fast. he was hit alil. bt driver managed to brake on time. he was not hurt. instead. he was able to cross to da other yard's main gate. my heart skipped abit. i swore it was damn fucking scary. no doubt.

it was a cool set last saturday. XS.One Regiment has always been hype during shows. this time. i put aside the dgcam and hit the camcorder. still i suck.furthermore lighting was bad. not da camcorder but the stage. not full force for da regiment. wid 20 of us. went to laupasat. camwhoring. den i was sent hm while da rest continued chilling at wdlands civic. doing Soulja Boy Superman Dance. Next gig. 18.11.07. Republic Poly.


it was my 1st class.and now i noe how difficult it is to walk slowly. wid the correct posture. pose. pace. cross legged. expression. shoulder. gosh i culd go on. im glad im learning. may not be my dream passion. bt i believe i culd excel in wadeva i do.

it shows how long ive been stiff like a stick. no elegance and flow. i missed dancing. i reali do. if only i have more time. i wuld love to join a dance club. ive been thinking of dancing all these days. i still cant make up my mind. oh gosh.


chatted wid gf this morning. we realised how small da world is. a guy to another guy who related to a girl. a guy who wanna noe another girl. a guy is a girl ex. exbf msnin/called a girl. haha. funny.

i need to practice. full length mirror. 4 inch heels. and a book on my head. hehe.

27/10/07: Beraya wid Polymates

We have not done this for the longest time and finally this year, with Tina in SG, we all managed to squeeze our time to spend Raya together. Despite my 1 month in advance to spend dat very day wid XS Clan, I decided to give it a miss and join my friends instead. GFF was full force dat day.. Miss spending sex talk just the 5 of us. Yea nutin but share sex hot juicy topics.






I’ve yet to upload the pics to Multiply for Sher to grab them. Tahun depan bole tk? =p

28/10/07: Beraya wid Ruxta and parents

A trip up to visit my parents at Pasir Ris. As usual, good food no doubt bout dat… * winks * Sayang mak…

29/10/07: Ruxta’s 25th Bday

Present him a collage of pics taken this yr during his showcases/competitions and present him H.I.M black leather wallet. Blackforest cake. Dinner at Swensens. Love you Ruxta. Loads.


30/10/07 to 2/11/07: Preparing for Perjumpaan Hari Raya

Busy preparing for Perjumpaan Hari Raya for my company. Stayed over at the company bungalow on Friday nite to do the deco. Slept at 5am. But was fun, laughing my ass off dat nite. Til I actually pasted my company name senget.. Hahaha.


3/11/07: Perjumpaan Hari Raya

Satisfying Nite. Tiredness paid off. No doubt..

8/11/07: Istana Raya 07

Had a simple assignment over at Taman Warisan yesterday. For Istana Raya 07. Just be ‘pemanis’ to the event, and assist VIPs. Met up wid Ruxta in the evening, Sim Lim walking, ZamZam murtabak and Suntec Starbucks Coffeebreak.

My Dream Dias



Next event. 10/11/07: Bedsty Music Presents Magnolius.Playden.