ive neva felt so down before. bt yesterday was the day. ending of Jan 2007. with tears and more sorrows in me. i quit. i gave up. i put a stop. for more searching of places. as i get more facts rite i was determined and sure that there is no way for me to find a place rite now for me and parents. the only way is to get a rented place from agent. bt there are more cost to pay.with 1K to 1.3K for a 3room flat was too much for me to take in. furthermore more advance payment and ofcoz payment for the agent.


my mood and esteem came tumbling down after lunch time. i was lacking of concentration to do my work. i was feelin down that i think i brought down many others along with me. im sorri. i didnt mean to. i was too sad to even smile. despite the purchased of the Good Vibration tix still i was no near to smiles. headed back home and had small portion for dinner. watched chinese drama and went to sleep. Workload still my main horror, i did not even bother to bring it home last nite. all i wanted was peace and quiet, alil privacy and blanket to cover my whole body just to cry by myself throughout the nite.


but yesterday was yesterday. today i woke up with a sudden determination to go on. no matter wat it takes. ive decided to keep trying. til there is no other way to resolve this. else. endurance for another 2 yrs plus til we get married and apply for our own place. where finally i will have my own space, and privacy with comfort of my husband and my beloved parents.


i started my day with a bright wide smile. gf got me a red nike shoes. and im much happier. determined to finish up the programme coding, prepare for training tmr and deploying the system. next tuesday hope to have a change. a change if i build my courage to meet the MP of Marsiling to seek some help. Seeking someone's help often gave me the reason to be more useless however law is law, rule is rule. there is nuthing much i can do. its nt beyond my powers to say the 1 word wonder.


Work for today til end of this week. At least I hope to have some fun this fri dat Far East Plaza. DJ Ruxta and MC Tech-one will be having a showcase. Hope to empty out the sadness and indulge my mind in music; scratching; juggling; freestyling.


Enuff said for now.

everyday i will be bloghopping to her site to see any latest update from her. especially her flight to Berlin. Finally this morning she updated and i viewed her vain moments in shutterfly. 191pics of shots. neva did bore me to bit. Im so happy for her. really happy. honestly im somehow envy her. i donno maybe its becoz i miss her too much dat i wuld wanna be der with her. it sounds stupid bt its strange and its true. each time i read posts and viewed her pics, i will tear. yup. crybaby i am. but fark it la. i miss tina. period!

PS: Hubby, don be mad at me when i said i wuld wanna be der wit Tina. I miss her la. jus like how u miss ur chinese brother, SY who is now studying overseas. love u hubby. muacks!

i went to HDB today with abg and parents. and to my sadness. there is no 3 room unit available for rent this month. i gave my number incase there is any unit nxt month, i will be informed. but i just hope there are units nearer to work. but for sure, im taking the west side area. i controlled my tears infront of mom and dad. the fact, i was reali sad bout it. now im feeling all depress, sad and upset. how i wish dad had not sold the 3rm flat in Tanglin Halt 5 yrs ago. i hope i will get the unit one day. in da meantime, im finding other ways in getting a 3rm flat for rent. if i use agent, it will be super expensive, as much as 1300-1600 a month and need to pay up 6 months of that amout upfront. ogosh. i have money. but not dat much money. plus paying a rent fee up to that amount a month, im sure can pay up but not able to save up for marriage. im stress. and i think i stressed up some ppl too. especially hubby. sorri hubby. thanks for listening to my problems and ur suggestion was ok bt not acceptable to dad. i guess u shuld noe him beta by now.

for now. im just surfing net here in Pasir ris place and doing my work since im on leave today. on leave pun on leave tapi werk nak kena buat jugak.. haiz.. deadlines! i hate deadlines!

on the lighter note. 3 more days. i can say.. aku KAYA.. aku KAYA sekejap sahaje. =p

FHM Girl Next Door Contestant. To view more, click here. Anna is one of the contestant. Nice number 69. Vote for her if you think she's hot. o ok. she is HOT. *winks*

Me and hubby will be missing the first Speakeasy for 07 this saturday for Fatin bday party. Rauzan mite release his album this sat. However, his cd will be out next week. so go grab it if you support local music.

not much to say this week. jus this. Beastie Boys is confirm coming to SG plus Jurassic 5. Oh I lyke! Ppl don miss this. one thing for sure. me, hubby, cusin maria and frens will definately be there. no doubt bout dat. woohoo. 32 more days to go. come on ppl. its the public hols aniway. 19th Feb. so hurry up and grab the tickets. next weekend we definately getting ours.

For more information, you can visit SG.GoodVibrationsFestival

im having hard time sleeping now. and each time i wake up. i will be thinking of the rented flat. i read up on the procedures and related information online. printed them out and still don get a farking clue. i cant wait any longer. therefore, im goin to HDB Hub this Saturday with hubby. Just wanna get clearer view on the options. once done. then me and hubby can have fun in Changi beach, celebrating my niece Nur Fatin . 7 yrs bday. There will be games organised by my mak busu. and my dear hubby will be the DJ for the event. he's all excited for it. so cant wait for this saturday. o ya. im so gonna take 1/2 leave from work.

woohoo.

This post was written on the 14th January 07

Ive made up my mind. Im clearer of things as I woke up this morning. Last nite conversation with mom was worth it. Period. Though there were some unpleasant words that came out from me. I was kinda pissed with some parts of da story. This is usually da case of the money. I noe this duit masuk thing is making a lot of fuss about almost many people who I would call them da mata merah mutherfuckers.


I have my own life. I earn my own money. I don depend on my parents anymore for money. I give them money now. I take care of them by providing them money. Yes. Coz we stay separately. Despite dat, I gave them respect and showers them with endless love and care.

Dats my responsibility. Im not complaining.


At da early age of 15, ive already know that I will be taking care of them til their old age. I will bring them in with me. Therefore there goes getting a boyfriend who can not only love me but my family, best still my parents. Yes and Ive found one. He is now my fiance. He loves my parents like his own. Especially to my mom. Im fortunate to have him as my future husband. Not all male counterparts would wanna bring in old people into their house. Trust me especially my dad. Ok maybe not just the man. But maybe modern ladies don prefer to have them in too. Well, im speaking as of general. Well some might think having them in will be a nuisance. Ders where they state to have ideas to put their parents in the old folks home.

How cruel is that?!


Im not trying to say that im da angelic daughter, my point is. I love my parents so much and im moving out soon. Yes. Moving outta here. I don wanna be nuisance to my brother nor his family. I don wanna be a burden to them. Fact is I don wanna be blame for anything and main factor I don wanna create more trouble for you to control or tell around people about my financial, my earnings, my salary and my status at work. Its my mutherfarking life for goodness sake. I may have spend it on some unnecessary things but I don owe ppl money for dat. Dat is all my own money. I worked hard for it. I deserve them all.


Im moving out soon and Im bringing my parents in. It will be a rented flat. A 2 room flat. I don mind if I have to share bed with mom or sleep in the living room alone. Ive stayed in a small house before so I don mind at all. If this can make me a happier person and make my parents happy, I don mind going to this extra mile just to do so. Ive not decide on the area yet but most probably in Marsiling or Teck Whye. Wherever it is, it needs to be accessible for them to go to the market or polyclinic for their frequent check ups.


Once I get the full information and place and get all the facilities and new sofa (requested by mom), I wish to move in by March. Once all confirm, then I spill the news to the family. I know this will be a bigger responsibility on my side but Im taking this as a start for everything especially before I get married and have my own place. I would wanna them to be comfortable in their own place. I hope Allah gives me strength to hold on to my anger and strength to make my wish come true all these years. Ive dreamt of this for a very long time. I hope my wish come true this time. Insyaallah.

just an hr plus ago i mentioned bout politic? money issues? hah. im grown to be too immune bout all these. yes ppl. i will give money. bt im not telling u all now. reason. u will want more and nt appreciate me being nice all these while. tot im stingy rite?


so you ppl wanna me to treat you all for makan. i can do dat for the family. y not? nieces and nephews wanna new make-up, dress, games, gadgets, toys? yes. u will get them soon. honestly. despite the advertisement of keppel. seems like whole singapore has already know the digit we are bringing home. so y should i hide the number to anyone. its in channel news asia, straits times, tamil paper and more. hiding and be secretive wont do me any gd. furthermore my sis in law already declare to my mom last month since we are in da same company. so yup. im gonna please everyone. yes all 16 of you. each of you will get something from me.

the baby girl. the baby sis. the youngest aunt.


in addition to dat. im keeping some for MARRIAGE. yes. its for a gd start. starting next month. monthly savings for marriage. this i WONT forget. i WONT make it a miss. i WONT. each month. saving for my happiness is top of my list. meaning. friends. i wont be too generous for a treat i used to give ya. bt i will do for special occasions. im afterall. the kakak. haha.


well. enuff for now. just a lil frustrated actuali. coz one of those ppl asking for a sudden treat is a non member to the family. yes. bt she's been nice to us. so y not rite. honestly i don realli mind. if u get to noe me. im quite ok. bt once im tight. i will go bonkers. yup. fuck my moodswings.


ok. im out. 2nd entry in less than 2 hrs. gotta stop.

nice weather. just nice to be cuddling, all snuggled up accompanied with starbucks hot cocoa. oh i so need dat now. but since im home early. decided to have a alil rest tonite after all those hectic deadlines for reports, databases and more workbreakdown structure plus minutes of meeting. ive been doing ot since monday. i even stayed at work til 2030hrs on tuesday. brought laptop home to finish up reports on wednesday and thursday. stayed up til midnite to do all those. finally today. i had a fruitful meeting for the project implementation. was all worth it. those late nites was all worth it.

after da meeting at 1500, i was so glad and finally had my silly smile back. : )


after tonite. im back to do the necessary task tmr to meet the expected Go live date for 3 systems im handling. so back to doing ot on a saturday. since workhaholic vibe is in, mite as well use the best of it. i shall tire myself this month. but once come the 27th, i shall get the stuffs i wanted and pamper myself and hubby too. psp, serato and dgcam! im gonna get u soon. ok to my parents and some cash to my nieces and nephew too. so their parents wont say im stingy. haha. sound kinda politic? well sometimes.


well at least my mom agrees. and sometimes dad would side me too. afterall.

im still their baby girl. =p


i just hope mom and dad wont be surprise to see the amount im giving them. hope its not too lil or too much. well if too much, simpan saje la kn. dah rezeki. : )

my weekend was splendid. i guess i did have a good rest just chilling at hubby place. watch Army Days and Heart. ok me and sis sila cried. touching ok cite heart. haiz.


i felt rejuvenate and alil fresh. but my apperance kinda make me alil weak and sick. i gotta hit the gym real soon. pretty soon. as soon as i get the balance of the bonus and get myself a new pair of running shoes and somemore important stuffs for the sideproject and Mr DJ Mixtape/recording. (serato and laptop for the production and new dgcam to spice up my life)


Really feel bad for hubby. Hope he recovers real soon. Miss u sending me home dear. love u. be strong ok. baby loves u so much.


Apart from the weakness, i could feel my workhaholic vibe coming into my nerves. new year new vibe to work. weird but true. ive always been a workhaholic. how i wish i am juggling two jobs rite now. yup. super weird. bt at times i feel what if i can work part time back in starbucks to be a p/t barista. think again. i guess i will just stick to one job and do some other interesting things to do. yup! dat will do. will just do. just fine.

This is so random.


Ok I never often say if a couple really look good together and recently I found myself another favourite couple. Yup. A 1 months couple. Rin and Iskandar.


They have the same smile. Though ive not met Is before however from the looks of him, he does look like a gentleman and also a nice 27 yr old guy. Im sure he can make Rin a happier gerl. Apart from what Rin mentioned that he makes her feel so different and also pampers her so much. plus She has never felt this way before. Even in her past relationship. I gotta say he’s quite a man for Rin to drool for. Haha.


Im very happy for her. I hope this may be the right guy.
Well at least I have the tots of it though. *cross fingers*


I think I gotta meet Rin real soon for some girly talk.


See I told ya. This is so random.

congrats to haidir and yana. finally they are engaged now. after our engagement i askedyana when will be hers and 7/1/07 is their date to remember. 2 1/2 more years to go before the big day. hope it dont clashes with ours. : )

I went over to Cousin Maria place last nite for a surprise dinner prepared by her and my aunt. There was my aunt, Cousin Maria, her bro Rahmat and her bf Yasin. I was truly touched honestly only that Im pretty bad at expressing words and thank you after dinner.
But I do hope they understood me somehow. And my aunt thought Im only 22 now. Hehe. Kekek. She made me feel old in front of Maria, Rahmat and Yasin.


Dinner was great. Chilled and I went home. Had a few mins chat with dear hubby and went to sleep. Here I am in the office on a Saturday morning feeling all damn bored coz dear Zulie fainted this morning at her house and not coming to work. Anihoos, take care Gf. See you on Monday or maybe tmr if im coming to work to clear some stuffs.


Woke up this morning feeling FARK up somehow, so there goes the first part of the entry.

Sorry if I offended some people who read dat piece of crap. Seriously, this does not imply to me only but to all. As an adult, please be MORE courteous.


Enuff said for now. Bah.

Just some random shit.

I don like the fact when someone don take the initiative to inform others before hand if they are unable to make it, unable to return stuffs, cash or whatever shit. Just don make me wait and ask. I hate it. I really do. So last warning to whoever who feel the pinch. Be more responsible and do have a thought or two for someone like me. I may bring home a whole lot of cash but I have some stuffs to pay too. I hate planning for my incoming cash but I never get it on time. Coz now my plan to open up share account with my hubby has to be postponed.

Thanks very much.


Like I said this is random because if you promised me, recent or years ago, please hold on to your words. I have not burst out with anger upon ur faces. Trust me im a nice person, but please think for others too.

Damn fark.

Yesterday was my 24th Birthday.

Thanks to those who smsed me in the wee morning of 4th Jan.
Hubby, Amy, Ekin, Ben, Han and Tina all the way from Doha. Appreciate it all.

Thanks to Zulie for the 5am morning birthday wish, the bday card and present.
Thanks to Yantee for the 8am phonecall singing me birthday song at the bustop. Haha.
Thanks to the rest who smsed me since morning.
Yan Kadok, Yan Razali, Sis Sila, Cusin Ati, Cusin Ana, Cusin Farah, Emty, Ena, Ayub, Usop and more.

Especially my family members. My brothers, my sister in laws, my mom, my nieces and nephews sang bday song to me and thanks to Hubby family for wishing me Happy Birthday. Thanks so much.

Appreciate it all.

Honestly I don pretty much favor my own birthday.
Im being honest here. Every year it has always been like this.


1. Slept early the nite before

2. Wake up the next morning feel moody and feel like crying


Somehow I don feel and behave the same way like normal days.For once, someone actually noticed it. Perhaps because we are under the same zodiac sign.

Hubby, its not u dear. Its me. It got nuting to do with others around me. Its just me.I love making the best for someone else bday but when it comes to mine.. I just don favor it that much. Don ask me why coz I don have any idea at all. Im sorry hubby. I love you. Thanks for the surprise bday cake. : )

I guess growing up with bday celebrations almost every year til I was 7yrs old. Then it all faded as I grow much older. But I think it goes for most of us. When it comes to our bdays, we kinda feel down.

And yesterday marked the big 24. Thanks to Yantee, Amy, Tina and Usop for reminding me of my old age. Korang the best la. Haha.

Classic msg from my cousin, Kak Ana who said this:
Happy birthday !! As u get older, hope 2 c more blunders coming from u.. yeah. Hee Hee.. Have a great day 2day and have fun..

That is one thing I hope to eliminate slowly.. the blunders and bloopers. Coz they never fail to make fun of me each time I opened my mouth and my silly reactions. Sad but true. As I get older, my blunders and bloopers WORSEN. Silly Silly me.. Haiz. =p

Received a surprise bday cake, present plus a bouquet of flowers from my manager and colleague at 1500. I was definitely surprised. I appreciate everything. Thank you.


Thank you to all who wished me.

Thanks to Cusin Maria for posting this in her blog. Love u Cus. Imma see u today for ur tiny surprise. She posted this and im touched then follwed by laughter.


Attention:
Happy Birthday Narayumi Higashikuni. The cousin like no other. The only one person on Earth who'd hand me 50bucks for no reason and say "go get your mani and pedicure." The only person who'd loan me heaps of cash and asks no questions. She'll splurge dinner, coffee, cash, time and everything else on me. She's spoilt me rotten and she listens, and listens and listens. We're years apart. Six whole years apart but on many Fridays we sit to talk like all girlfriends do. She's never judged me. Never disapproves. Never questions. To think of it, that makes her the one and only human being as such, whose blood runs in mine. Your love for me is most impressive. Nothing, would be enough to tell you, you're the greatest. And fuck your moodswings, i love you!

I love you too Cusin. Muacks.

Have yet to get my new year resolution done up. But just a track back on how I spent my 31st December and 1st January 07.

31st Dec 06/1st Jan 07

It was AidilAdha. Usual gathering with my family, aunts, uncles and cousins. Cusins and I decided to meet up at nite at Woodlands for the countdown. Me and hubby came late. But glad we gotta see DJ J-Stylez doing his routine. We popped the popper, counted down the numbers then its already 1st Jan.


We then headed down to Orchid Country Club for some bowling fun. All cracked up jokes each time we strike the longkang. Haha. Its been awhile since I bowled. It was warming up session at first but once I hit strike and constant spare. I top up 2nd place. Haha. We left at 230am and went to Khatib Macd for late supper. Chat and laughed til 4am and went home.

Had fun. It was our first time celebrating together. Maybe there will be more cusins outing this year. Insyaallah.

1. macro-image (by Ruxta)

2. me trying hard to look pro (haha)

3. cusins

4. them again

5. girls-scoreboard. I for ikin. 113 pts

6. guys-scoreboard. Rahmat was the top scorer

7. me and ati

8. ati and farah the pengatin baru